Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
