they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
