my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
