There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
