barbara walters just said penis...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
