I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
