the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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