Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
