don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
