Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
