Say something about gay babies.
Acid is not a monday night drug
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
