Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
