Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
