You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
