I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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