Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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