and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
