Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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