So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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