i think i have herpe
just one?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
