Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
