A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
