just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
