He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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