we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There r osticjed everywhere
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
