Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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