conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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