Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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