omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
