I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
