we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
