I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
