I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
