He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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