i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
