She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
