Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
