I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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