i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
