i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
