I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so let's talk penis.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Randomize
