That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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