spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
