we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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