I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
