And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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