At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
