Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
