Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
