Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
