i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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