the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
