i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
