she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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