i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
