i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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